tenebris, balthazar e.

[BALTHAZAR EDRIC TENEBRIS .]

BALTHAZAR EDRIC TENEBRIS .

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So, your name's pretty unusual, huh?
Seriously? That's how you want to start out the interview? Out of everything you could have asked, that's what you decided to start with?

Well...Yeah.
[sighs] Fine, fine. I can see already that I'm going to be having a thrilling time. To answer your question, yes my name is rather uncommon.

Care to elaborate a bit?
What do ya mean?

Like talk about meaning behind it or why you were given it.
Honestly, if you wanted specifics about my name you should have asked for them. I'll still give them to you since I'm such a nice guy and all, but don't keep expecting handouts like this.
Okay, so. My first name, Balthazar, it comes from the bible, if you can believe that. It was the name of one of the Biblical Magi, or Three Wise Men as they're more commonly known. I never really got why my mom gave me this name. Maybe she just wanted me to be smart or something. [chuckles] If only she could see me now. Edric is, well, it's just an Old English name that means 'rich' and 'powerful'. Nothing exciting. My last name has gotta be my favourite. Tenebris is Latin for darkness. It's a pretty sick name for a demon to have, at least in my opinion. Of course, this wasn't my surname when I was born. I just picked it out later on because, you know, it's pretty awesome.

Umm...Right. So, let's talk about your past.

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Why? What does my past have to do with anything?

I really hope you're nicer than this to your patients.
Of course I am. I'm a professional. But seriously, you didn't answer my question.

Fine. It's just so we can get a feel of your background.[/font]
Ah, fine. I guess that makes some sense. I'm not going to go into too much detail though. If I did we, would be here all day.

Go ahead.[/font]
Okay. I was born in London, England during the early spring in 1325. I don't actually know the exact date. People weren't too big on keeping time back then. Well, at least the poor people weren't. I actually just picked a random date off the calender to celebrate on. [laughs]
Ah, but you probably want more than that. Okay, I kind of got into some bad stuff during my teen years. You know, witchcraft, black magic, the whole evil shebang. So, needless to say, when that damn plague killed me, I went to Hell. I was down there for a while, and no I will not go into it. If you wanna learn what it's like to be in Hell, I can drag you down there with me.

Um, no thanks.
[smiles] Smart man. So, you wanna hear more? Of course you do. By the time I finally got out of that pit, I was a demon. It was probably around the mid 1500's then I believe. Umm, let's see. Since then I've just been kind of doing whatever. I fought in a few wars (I'm not going to tell you what ones), I had some fun, really I just did whatever to keep myself occupied. Oh right! I almost forgot. I also got this sweet little virtue thing when the last guy died. I was pretty good friends with him, but I'm still not sure why he picked me. I mean, he did always say that I was a little odd, but I thought he was just making fun of me. [shrugs] Oh well. I can't change it now.

Really? You got a virtue?
Hey, show me some respect, boy. I'm old enough to be great, great, great, insert a bunch more greats, grandfather.

Sorry.
That's more like it. And yeah, I have a virtue, but I clearly earned it. And seriously, don't act like I'm such a bad guy. I'm a freakin' angel compared to some of the demons I've met.

So, what is your virtue anyway?
Charity. What can I say? I'm a giver.

Seriously?
I'm here talking to you, aren't I?

Point taken. So, let's get to know you. What are some of the things you like?
[sighs] I'm beginning to feel like I'm on Oprah. Ah, whatever. Well, I like people with a decent amount of intelligence. To me, nothing is more torturous than trying to have a conversation with an idiot, and I've been to Hell. God, I hate it when I get stupid patients. I like to drink. Let's face it, alcohol is awesome. Ah, let's see. Well, I also have a bit of a thing for tattoos. I have several myself, though I think my clothing is covering them all up right now. Oh, and sex of course. Who could not love sex? I am a total manwhore. Then of course there's music. I love music of any kind. Well, except for country. Oh and rap. Other than that, it's all awesome. Uh, I also like to read on occasion, though I haven't been doing that so much anymore. I mean, come on. How can you possibly take a book over t.v. or the internet? There's just no comparison in my mind. I also really like my job, though I think that may just be because of the whole virtue thing. Let's face it, it's a pretty strange job for a demon to have.

Okay...Some dislikes?
Oh wow, I could go on all day with this. There are so many things that I hate. But I'll just give you a few of the biggies. I don't want to waste your time. Okay. One thing I majorly hate is pointless noise. You know, like foot tapping or finger drumming. It just pisses me off. Another thing that that I hate is nail biters. I mean, seriously. It's majorly unhealthy, and it spreads germs. Why do people do it? I really just don't get it. Oh, I also really do not like angels, though you probably could have guessed as much just because of the whole 'I'm a demon' thing. Yeah, our kinds don't typically get along. Let's see, what else? Oh right, I really cannot stand religious people. I know I'll probably get a lot of crap for saying that, but come on, it's ridiculous to base your life off of a book. I also don't like really arrogant or self-centered people, but again I think that may be because of the virtue.

Anything else?
Dude, I'm over seven hundred years old. Of course there's going to be a lot more.

Okay. Well, is there anything we should know about you?
Let's see...Oh, thought of a few things: in the last hundred years, I've earned three doctorates and a medical degree; I go both ways; I really hate the number thirteen; I love dogs, I've actually rescued several; and I'm actually quite good at art.

Okay, thank you for talking to us. I hope to see you again soon.
Sure, whatever. Can I go now? I have a patient scheduled.
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AOIDE .

SEVENTEEN .

SIX .

AN AD .

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